Kong Fu - Voice script : 2:36 on my tape By Qyzzy Kong Cranky: Donkey Kong... Candy: Oh Cranky, isn't there anything we can do for him? *Diddy thinks of something...* Scene: Krool's Cave Krool: Troops, in light of my imminent victory, I feel that it is appropriate to announce that I will be streamlining our operation. Kong Fu will be taking over as general AND bodyguard. Klump: Uh, uh, b-but your massiveness, a body like yours could use two bodyguards... Diddy: How about just one, guarding the front door! Krool: Well, well, what do we have here? Come to grovel for mercy? Heheh Diddy: No, I'm here to warn you! Krool: Warn us? Diddy: U-huh! DK is in such killer shape he could knock Kong Fu down for the count, but if you back off he might let you go with just a warning this time! Whaddya say? *Krool, Klump, Krusha and Kong Fu all laugh* Diddy: Uh, uh, OK then, uh, uh, we could postpone the challenge, say, um... a year, yeah, a year! Y'know make it fair and square! *They all laugh at this too* Diddy: Uh, uh, OK, uh fine! Y-you'll be sorry! I was just trying to give you a break. Kong Fu: Huhuh huh huh huh! Oh be I'll give Donkey Kong a break, a whole lot of breaks! Not to mention some lumps, bumps and bruises, 'cos when I'm - *Lights go out, Kong Fu starts whimpering* Krool: Klump! Stop snivelling! Klump: It's not me, Sir. It must be Krusha. Krusha: Nope, no..t me. *Lights go back on* Krool: Then who...? Kong Fu: It was him! *points to Klump* Klump: Oh! Liar, liar, fur on fire! Kong Fu: ...and he let the little monkey get away, too! Krool: Never mind about Diddy, it's time to go to the battlefield. Let's show Donkey Kong who rules! Scene: DK's Treehouse *DK is looking in the mirror, sadly* Diddy: Uh! DK, I've got great news! DK: No news is gonna cheer me up. Diddy: I've got a plan how you can beat Kong Fu! DK: Yeah?! Oh, little buddy, that's great! I knew I could count on you! Diddy: That's what side-kicks are fo-hor! Ha huh! DK: So, what's the plan? Diddy: Well, first we gotta get Cranky and Candy to stall the contest... Scene: Beachfront Stage-of-sorts *Funky music playing, Cranky and Candy are dancing* Kong Fu: Since when does the Donkey Kong Challenge include a pre-game show? Krool: It doesn't! They're stalling! Klump: Bravo! Krusha: Encore. Klump: Bravo! Krusha: Encore. Krool: Alright, alright, let's get on with the main event shall we? DK: What do we do now little buddy? Diddy: All we have to do is stall... Krool: According to the official rule book, if that yellow bellied Neanderthal, Donkey Kong doesn't show up, muhaha! Then I win by default. Diddy: We gotta go out or else Ka-rool wins! DK: No sweat, just tell me what to do to beat Kong Fu. Diddy: I haven't figured that part out yet. Um, but you go on ahead. DK: Hum? Cranky: Donkey Kong! You made it! Krool: Booo! Hisss! Diddy: Make way for Kongo Bongo's biggest, strongest ape! Cranky: I don't get it. Candy: Yeah, what's this plan of yours? Diddy: All we gotta do is keep Kong Fu busy with the other two contests, tu-rust me! Cranky: But DK can't win the contest of the mind, trust ME. Krool: C'mon, c'mon, let's get on with it! I want to see Donkey Kong get laid out! Cranky: We, the challengees, choose to begin with the contest of the mind. Krool: Booo! Hiss! Cheater, cheater, banana bread eater! Cranky: You can do it, DK, just take your time. Question. How many pieces of string would it take to reach the moon? DK: 1 kazillion, 3 hundred and 42 million, 7 hundred and 65. Cranky: Eeeh! Wrong. Krusha: Yippee. Klump: Woo-hoo! Krool: Looser! Cranky: Same question, Kong Fu. How many pieces of string would it take to reach the moon? Kong Fu: Hiya! One. The answer is one. One piece of string. If it was long enough. Cranky: He's right, DK. Krool: He's not only right, he's the winner of the contest of the mind! Klump: Ah, woo-hoo! Cranky: Whatever your plan is, it's not working. Diddy: My plan will work, all ya have ta do is stall the contest of the body! Cranky: And now for the contest of the heart. Krool: No way! You chose the last contest, so I get to choose this one, and I choose the one where Donkey Kong gets beaten to a pulp! Hahaha!.. The contest of the body! Kong Fu: Ho! DK: Oow! *Kong Fu takes DK by surprise and throws him around* Diddy: Oh no! Diddy: DK, you've gotta hold off Kong Fu for as long as you can! *Kong Fu shows off and knocks DK around* Krool: Come on, get up! You'll miss the big finale. Kong Fu: Time to finish you off! Candy: I can't bear to watch! Cranky: Me neither Diddy: 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. *Goes dark* Krusha: Hoo? Huh? Cranky: The eclipse! 3:35pm exactly! So that was your plan.. Diddy: Y..yep! Ha ha ha, and it worked! Oh and wait, it gets better! *Kong Fu starts whimpering again* Klump: Why, Kong Fu's afraid of the dark! Huhuh, I knew it was him! Krool: Why, he's nothing but a big sissy! Get up you spineless worm! Klump: Why he's yellow-bellied AND lily-livered! Ha, ha, ha! Krusha: He's a girlie ape. Diddy: Sock it to him, DK! Wham! Bam! Cranky: Yeah! Finish him off. Candy: You'll win the challenge, DK! DK: I can't hit an ape when he's down. Candy: Ah, the contest of the heart, Donkey Kong won! DK: I did? Diddy & Cranky: He did? Candy: Yeah, DK showed real heart for not taking advantage of his opponent when he was down. Klump: Look at him! Huhahaha! *The Kremlings laugh at him* Krool: What a baby! Diddy: DK, you did it! You won! You won ahahaha! DK: Bananaaa Slamma! Now all I gotta do is... beat you up. *Kremlings laugh again* Kong Fu: What was that about? A spine-a-less worm?! Yellow-bellied?! Find another chump to do your dirty work, I forfeit! Krool: What?! You can't do that! Hey! Come back here! Cranky: That means DK wins by default! Candy: Woo-hoo! Cranky: Yess! Diddy: Alright! Cranky: Hooray for DK! DK: Thank you thank you! Krool: Klump! Krusha! Back to the mine. By the time we get there I'll have thought of some way that I can blame all of this on you two home-spun idiots! Klump: Yess Sir! Hip hup hip hup... Krusha: You don't have the coconut! Cranky: Well, DK, I hope you learned how important it is to keep in shape. DK: I sure did, and to prove it, tomorrow I'm starting my training for next year's challenge. Cranky: Thaaat's great. DK: But first, I wanna see if I can break my old banana record. Cranky: Donkey Kong!.. DK: What? *Cranky starts laughing, then the others join in* ~THE END~ If you have any suggestions corrections or additions, please email me: qyzzy@hotmail.com